


My One and Only

by aumontalc



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 08:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8482831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aumontalc/pseuds/aumontalc
Summary: Another love interest gets in the way of Jackson and April. Set after season 8.





	1. Chapter 1

"Hello, Mrs. Dixon. How are you?" April asked her patient.

"Wonderful! I'm finally going to have the pins taken out of my leg," Mrs. Dixon said.

Five months ago, April had assisted Dr. Torres in repairing Mrs. Dixon's severely fractured leg. April wondered how things could have drastically changed in just a few short months. Five months ago, she was studying for her boards. Two months ago, she lost her virginity to her best friend, failed her boards and lost her position at Seattle. Six weeks ago, her coworkers barely survived a plane crash. Well, everyone except Lexie Grey. Out of all that hideousness, April had somehow gotten her job back. Hunt had called her to his office a week after the crash asking her to stay. He'd said they'd need the extra help while Robbins, Shepherd and Sloan recovered.

So here she was – following up on a patient whose life had progressively gotten better over the past months while hers had gotten worse. That wasn't completely true, she thought. One good thing had come of it; she had started going to church again. She'd joined the singles group. In fact, they were having dinner at the leaders' house tonight. After Mrs. Dixon's surgery, she was going to run home and change before heading over to the Hudsons.

Jackson sat on the couch with Karev, eating pizza and watching the baseball game on TV. Like Karev and the others, he'd decided to stay in Seattle after the plane crash. They'd all been unified through their loss.

He looked up as April entered the apartment. She greeted him and Alex, dropping her keys and purse on the love seat.

"We've got some pizza and beer, if you want some," Alex offered, still chewing his food.

"No thanks. I'm going to eat dinner with friends," she said, walking back to her room.

Frowning, Jackson took another swig of beer. They were her friends. In particular, he was her friend. Yet, since Lexie's funeral, they hadn't spent much time with each other. Sure, they lived together which meant he saw her all the time. But, they didn't talk like they used to before San Francisco. They didn't joke or brag about surgeries. They just exchanged niceties and he hated it.

Jackson loved and loathed what happened in San Francisco. He'd certainly enjoyed sleeping with April. Every time he looked at her, he remembered how good she'd felt in his arms. In his mind, he knew that her impulsivity had been fueled by her anxiety over the boards, but when she started kissing him, he'd pushed that knowledge aside. Now, they were barely on speaking terms. He almost wished he could go and undo that night so she would talk to him. Almost.

After Lexie died, he had seen how hurt and forlorn Sloan was. Sloan and Lexie never got their timing right. Even when he was with her, he knew that she still cared about Mark. He had tried to ignore that fact. Just like he had tried to ignore his attraction to April. It hadn't originated in San Francisco. If he was honest, it had been there for a while, possibly years. He'd known in the back of his mind that there was this chemistry between him and April, in the way they teased each other, in the looks and smiles exchanged, in the subtle touch of his arm around her shoulders or his hand on her knee. She could always get him to do whatever she wanted whether it was helping her at work or taking her virginity. She had a definite hold on his heart. He wouldn't let what had happened between Sloan and Lexie be his fate with April. He had plans. She just didn't know about them yet.

April arrived at the Hudsons' house. She smiled and returned Beth Hudson's hug when she walked through the door. She really liked Beth and her husband Greg. They were perfect leaders for the singles group. They had been single until their early 30s before meeting and falling in love. Married for three years, they were expecting their first child. They gave her hope that she would eventually find somebody for herself.

As she walked into the living room, she said hello to the other members of the group. In all, there were ten who regularly came to the dinners, six women and four men. Over the last couple of months, she'd formed a friendship with a police officer named Phillip Winston. He was thirty-five and charming, funny and outgoing. He wasn't too bad on the eyes either. He had sandy blond hair, brown eyes and an inviting smile. He patted the empty seat next to him and she plopped down.

"How's it going?" Phillip asked.

"Good," April replied. "But, I sure am hungry. Whatever Beth is cooking smells delicious."

"She's making fajitas." Phillip chuckled, leaning close to April, he said, "Growing up, I was friends with this guy named Chad. Both his parents were deaf. They mostly signed, but they could speak a little. Well, one night I went with them to La Casa Azul. Chad's dad ordered fajitas, but he pronounced it like va-jye-tas. The waiter looked at him like he was crazy. Chad and I were cracking up. Now, every time I eat fajitas I think of awkward times with Chad's family."

April laughed, "Gotta love awkward moments. I could write a book about my own awkward times."

Phillip grinned, "I'd love to hear them some time. Maybe we could discuss them over coffee?"

"Um…maybe," April said noncommittally. It's not as if she didn't like Phillip. She just didn't know if she liked him romantically. After the fiasco with Stark, she didn't know if she wanted to date someone who she wasn't sure she was attracted to.

"Hey everyone," Greg said as he gathered his guests. "Dinner's ready. I'll go ahead and pray. Then, we can dig in."

As they ate, Beth turned to April, "You're the newest member of our group, but we don't know much about you yet. Why don't you share with us about yourself?"

April finished chewing her food and took a sip of water. She began, "I think most of you know that I'm a surgeon. It's hard to be in that field and share your faith with people. Especially where I work, they found out something about me a couple years ago and they wouldn't let me hear the end of it. So I kind of just keep my faith to myself. As an intern and a resident, my shifts were so crazy I couldn't always get off on Sundays. I got used to not going."

"What made you decide to start going again?" Greg inquired.

Embarrassed, April looked down at her half full plate. Breathing in, she decided to tell them the truth. Since their acquaintance, she had only known them to be kind and truly concerned for her well-being.

Glancing up, April sighed, "I made a mistake. I broke my promise to Jesus. I promised I would wait, but I didn't. I wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed and loved. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it," April bit her lip to keep the tears at bay. "But, I lost something that I won't ever get back. Something that belonged to my future husband. Then, my career went downhill. I felt like Jesus hated me. That…that I deserved what was happening to me for going back on my word."

Finished, April let the tears roll down her cheeks. Beth grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "You've asked for forgiveness, haven't you?" April nodded. "Then, there's no need for you to feel guilty anymore. All of us at this table have done things we regret. It takes courage to move past our sins and keep going. I know you have it in you."

Curled in bed a few hours later, April felt like a weight had been taken off her chest. Everyone had been so understanding this evening. They hadn't been judgmental at all, not even Phillip. She felt freer than she had in months.

Through the wall, she heard the TV go silent and footsteps pad across the hall. Jackson must be going to bed. She missed him. She missed the way it used to be, before she had ruined their friendship with her foolish decision two months ago. Even though she knew it did no good, she closed her eyes and let the memories rush back.

She was on an unbelievable high after sticking up for herself. She was a soldier. She looked at Jackson who was humored by her recent boldness. He is so perfect, she thought. She had spent years looking, but now she wanted to touch. Launching herself forward, she connected her lips with his. He'd stopped her, trying to find out if this was what she really wanted before taking her into the room and closing the door.

Although not celibate, Jackson wasn't like Alex, who slept with anyone that had a pulse. It must have been a long time for him, because he hadn't needed much convincing. That night and the next day had just been about sex. Friends with benefits, as people called it. Now, April wasn't sure if she and Jackson were even friends.

Turning away from her negative thoughts, she focused on the positive. Phillip seemed interested in her. Maybe she should give him a chance. If he asked her out again, she would say yes.


	2. Chapter 2

April walked with Phillip to the door of the resident locker room. "Give me just a second and I'll get that book for you. It's so good. I know you'll love it."

As she opened the door, Cristina was walking out. "Uh, sir, this area is for staff only. If you go to the right and up the stairs, you'll find the nurses' station. They can help you there."

April turned around. "Oh, Cristina, he's not a patient. This is Phillip. He's a friend of mine. I'm just getting something for him."

Cristina raised an eyebrow at April, "Never mind then."

As Cristina walked away, April apologized, "Sorry about Cristina. She's a little abrupt. Not really a people person."

Phillip shrugged. "I really enjoyed having coffee with you today. I'd like to see you again. Just us. How about dinner this weekend?"

"Sounds fun. I'm off Saturday."

"Great. How about I pick you up at seven?"

"See you then," April said. Phillip moved forward to hug her, not knowing what to do, April turned and ended up giving him an awkward side hug.

"Bye. Can't wait to see you Saturday. I'm going to take you somewhere nice so I can see you in a dress."

April grinned. Coffee had been fun. They had tons in common and there was never a lull in conversation. Now, she had her date on Saturday to look forward to. She mentally ran through the dresses in her closet. Thinking that she should probably go shopping before Saturday.

Not one to keep secrets for long, Cristina gushed to the other residents at the lunch table, "Guess who has a boyfriend?"

"That nurse in Peds, John? I always felt like he was gay," Alex offered before stuffing a bite of spaghetti in his mouth.

"Who? No. It's April. I met him outside the locker room. His name is Pete or Paul or something. Not too shabby, Kepner," Cristina congratulated.

Sighing, April replied, "His name is Phillip and he's not my boyfriend. We've only gone out for coffee." She smiled, blushing, "Well, that, and he's taking me to dinner Saturday."

Jackson caught her blush. It unsettled him that she was dating someone and didn't even tell him about it. Then again, it was his fault they weren't talking. He'd royally screwed things up between them.

"Cha ching," Alex exclaimed. "That's the sound of April cashing in her v-card."

"If you order something expensive, you know you have to put out," Cristina teased.

"Guys, be nice. April has found someone that she likes. I think it's sweet," Meredith said trying to be the less dark and twisty version of herself.

"Ten bucks says she loses it in three months," Alex smirked.

"Twenty she loses it in one. Her guy is pretty hot," Cristina countered.

"You are horrible people," April remarked as she took her tray and left the table.

"You really have to stop teasing her about that. It's getting really old," Jackson remarked. It was also a moot point. They didn't know they had nothing to bet on anymore. He knew they sure as hell didn't expect him to be the culprit. Nor were they likely to find out. April could be a tomb when it came to personal matters. He remembered her speech from a while back. We all have things we don't talk about. Frowning, he realized he was one of the things she didn't talk about.

He found her in the locker room, brushing her hair into a ponytail. His eyes fixated on her exposed nape. He had to steel himself from walking over and kissing her neck. Mentally shaking himself from his trance, he focused on the reason he had been looking for her.

"So how come I didn't know about this Patrick guy?" Jackson asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

April turned around. "His name is Phillip. I didn't tell you because I didn't think you would care."

Jackson scowled, "Of course I care. You're my friend. We've always talked about this stuff before."

"Well, things are different now aren't they? It's hard to talk about guys you like with the man you slept with a couple months ago." Shaking her head and laughing humorlessly, April continued, "It must have been a long stretch for you or you just felt really sorry for me. Those are the only reasons I can think of for why you would take me up on my lame offer. I'm still embarrassed by how desperate I acted. Now I feel guilty and our friendship feels strained. Things are just weird and I don't really want to talk about it."

"I didn't sleep with you because I felt sorry for you. I was into it as much as you were or don't you remember? And if anyone was desperate, it was me after the funeral. I shouldn't have…"

April put her hand up, stopping him, "I don't want to think about that night or San Francisco."

Jackson rubbed his hand over his mouth. "April, we've got to talk about it some time."

"No, we don't. We're going to forget it ever happened," April stated firmly, walking briskly out the door.

Why did he have to bring up that night? As if what happened in San Francisco wasn't bad enough, she had another memory to be ashamed of. Taking deep breaths, she told herself to let it go. The past was the past. She didn't need to feel guilty anymore.

Nevertheless, remembering his hurt expression did make her feel a little guilty for not telling him about Phillip. She should have said something, but as she'd told Jackson, things were weird. She'd noticed at lunch that he'd stopped eating when Cristina mentioned Phillip. She'd felt his eyes boring into her as the others joked. He'd seemed upset, jealous even. April dismissed that thought quickly. Sure, the indescribably gorgeous Dr. Jackson Avery was jealous of the guy she was seeing. Yeah and ponies flew over rainbows.


	3. Chapter 3

It is finally lunchtime, April thought. April waved when she saw her friend, Beth, down the hall.

"Who's that?" Jackson asked. He had finished consulting with a patient and was finishing some paper work next to her.

"A friend of mine. We're going to the mall. I might not be back for a couple of hours. Would you mind discharging Mr. Potts in Room 260 for me?"

"Yeah, no problem."

As Beth approached, April remarked delightedly, "This is going to be so much fun! I know you'll help me find something suitable for tonight."

"Forget suitable. We'll find something that makes you look irresistible," Beth teased.

April quietly glowered when Jackson butted in, holding out his hand, "I don't think we've met. My name's Jackson. I'm a friend of April's."

Shaking his hand slowly, Beth gazed open mouthed at Jackson as she replied, "I'm Beth. It's very nice to meet you."

And another one bites the dust, April observed ruefully. It generally took women less than five seconds to be spellbound by Jackson Avery's eyes. She, on the other hand, was immune to them. Noticing that she was staring at him, Jackson glanced in her direction and she flushed a bright red. Who am I kidding? His eyes are mesmerizing.

Coughing softly, April interrupted, "Hate to break up the chit chat, but we better go before the lunch traffic gets bad."

Browsing through the rack of dresses, Beth noted slyly, "So Jackson claims to be your friend, but at the hospital you guys didn't seem too chummy."

"Is it that obvious?" April asked.

Beth nodded her head. "Was he the one you slept with?"

"Yes. I am so mortified to be around him now, which I guess is pretty apparent. We used to be such good friends. He was one of the few people who didn't seem too bothered by my more annoying traits."

"I don't think Phillip finds you annoying."

"I know. That's always a good quality in whoever you're dating – that they're not annoyed by your personality." More seriously, April asked, "Phillip's probably going to meet Jackson because he's my roommate. Do you think I should tell him about our past?"

"If it were me, I would wait until things got more serious between you and Phillip. I mean it was only a one-time thing. It wasn't as if you two were in a relationship."

April cringed a little, "Actually, it was more like a three time thing."

Beth's mouth formed an O. Glancing at April, she remarked, "Sex can be like Pringles. Once you pop, the fun don't stop."

Laughing, April admitted, "Very astute observation. But that can has a lid on it now. I don't intend to reopen it until after I'm married."

April heard the doorbell ring. Darn, she thought, he's early. She was still doing her hair. From across the apartment, she heard Alex call, "I'll get it."

The door opened. Alex greeted her date, "You must be Frank." April winced. No one could seem to remember his name.

"Actually, it's Phillip."

"My bad, dude. April's still getting ready. I'm Alex and that's Jackson."

"Hello, Alex. Jackson."

"We're just watching the game. You want a beer?" Alex offered.

"I'm going to be driving so I shouldn't, but thanks," Phillip answered.

As April finished her last curl, she heard only the sound of the TV blaring in the living room. It didn't sound as if they were exactly hitting it off. She hurried, not wanting Phillip to feel uncomfortable. She'd never had a date pick her up at their apartment, but Phillip had insisted it was the gentlemanly thing to do. And Phillip was quite the gentleman. He was essentially the exact opposite of Alex. He was kind, well mannered, and good-natured. After checking herself in the mirror once more, she left the bathroom to find her date.

Walking into the living room, she met his appreciative gaze. Reddening slightly, she realized she did look pretty hot. She and Beth had found the perfect black dress. It accentuated her best features, mainly her boobs, without being revealing. Phillip stood up and walked over to her. Grinning from ear to ear, he said, "Yowza. You look amazing."

"Thank you," April blushed.

"We better get going. I have a reservation for eight o'clock. It was nice meeting you, Alex and Jackson. I promise I won't have her home too late."

After they left, Alex wrinkled his brow, "What a cornball. No wonder April likes him. I might have to change my bet to six months. The way he acts, he's probably still a virgin too. It'll take him three months just to figure out how to unhook her bra."

"Don't you have anything better to do with your time?" Jackson growled.

"Dude, what's with you? You gave off a serious creeper vibe while he was here. You didn't say a word, just stared at him and April the whole time."

Not wanting to have this conversation with Karev, Jackson left to go for a run.

It was 11:30 and Jackson couldn't sleep. April still wasn't home from her date. Making himself a bowl of cereal, he realized that cheesy ass dude was right. April did look amazing in that dress. The dress was slightly tight fitting and hugged her curves deliciously. He had always noticed her breasts but as she was leaving he found he didn't mind the view from the back either. April might have dressed up for that dork, but she'd undressed for him. She looked way hotter naked than in that dress.

Jackson heard the jingle of keys and was glad that April was finally home. However, she wasn't alone. Groaning inwardly, he noticed her date had walked her to the front door. Unable to resist, Jackson stood still, listening to April and Phillip's conversation.

"Phillip, I had an awesome time tonight. Dinner was delicious. But, give me a heads up the next we go bowling. I bowl better in jeans."

"Next time, hmm? I'll have to come up with something good. It's getting late, I better let you go and get your beauty rest, not that you could get any more beautiful."

Seriously? Jackson thought. She's attracted to this guy?

"Bye Phillip. I'll see you tomorrow at church."

"See you then. Sweet dreams."

April turned around, dropping her purse and keys. She looked happy, as if she truly had a good time.

"So bowling, huh?" Jackson asked.

April shrieked softly, "Jackson, you scared me to death!" Taking a breath, she asked, "Were you eavesdropping on our entire conversation?"

"No. Maybe. Whatever, it doesn't matter. April, I don't think you should see that guy anymore."

Exasperated, April shook her head, "Jackson, he's a perfectly nice guy. What could you possibly have against him?"

He approached her quietly, setting both hands on her small waist. He smiled; loving how even in heels, she didn't quite reach his chin. He bent down and whispered, "There's nothing wrong with him. I just want you for myself."


	4. Chapter 4

"I just want you for myself."

He couldn't have possibly just said those words to her, April Kepner, his slightly annoying, painfully awkward friend. Maybe she was having a dream. That thought quickly vanished when Jackson lowered his head and kissed her. Her desire for him was so strong that she didn't even notice when she wrapped her arms around his neck or when her back hit the couch. Like the times before, she was consumed by his kisses, by his touch. She placed her hands on his cheeks feeling the stubble underneath her fingertips. Out of breath, he broke off their kiss. Smirking, he stroked her hair, "I guess you won't be seeing Felix anymore."

A rush of guilt flooded April's conscience. In the space of a few seconds, she had forgotten all about the date she had said goodnight to minutes ago. She sat up, moving away from Jackson when he leant forward to kiss her neck.

"Jackson, this isn't right. I'm seeing someone."

"It didn't look too serious to me. You didn't even kiss him."

"We're taking things slow." April explained. "Jackson, we shouldn't do this."

Closing the distance between them, Jackson said, "I think we should," as he attempted another kiss.

His close proximity kept her from thinking clearly, so April stood up. "This is coming out of the blue. You've never indicated that you wanted anything before."

"Is it out of the blue? We've been attracted to each other for a while now."

Pacing the floor, April admitted, "Yes, but two months isn't long enough to know what you want for sure."

"I think you and I both know that this started a long time ago. At least the past year or so."

Stunned, April stammered, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? You never thought about me in that way before San Francisco? You just all of a sudden decide to jump me. That was the first time you ever thought about kissing me? Because it wasn't the first time I thought about kissing you."

Blushing, she faltered, "Of course I thought about it. Look at you, you're freaking perfect. But in the back of my mind, I always knew nothing would come of it. You wanted Lexie. If she was still alive, you two might have gotten back together."

"That wouldn't happen. She'd be with Mark," Shaking his head, Jackson returned to his original point. "Let the past stay in the past. Right now, I want to be with you. I can't seem to get you out of my mind lately. I want us to be together, as a couple."

She wanted to believe him, but knew she couldn't. He was still grieving for Lexie and wasn't over her yet. If there was one thing April couldn't handle, it would be to have her heart broken by Jackson. Sure, he might think this was a good idea, but eventually he would realize he was just using her to get over Lexie.

Looking at Jackson, she stated sorrowfully, "You can't let go of the past, not really. You think you want to be with me, but you're just trying to find a way to deal with losing Lexie. I know how much she meant to you. I know you're going through a difficult time right now, but jumping blindly into a relationship isn't the answer."

Jackson stared at April blankly. "This isn't about Lexie. Yeah, I'm sad that she's gone. Everyone is. But this is about us." Walking over to April, he reached for her arm. "I think I love you."

April's face was wet with tears of frustration and anger. "You don't have to say that to me. You just feel guilty about having sex with me while you were still in love with someone else."

"April…"

"Don't. I know you didn't force me that night, but I also know that I'm just a secondhand replacement for Lexie. I wasn't the person you really wanted that night."

"April, I've never said that."

"You didn't have to." Shrugging off his hand, April choked, "Jackson, I can't do this. You don't have to pretend you love me to assuage your guilt."

"April…"

"Just stop. I'm going to bed. I have to get up early to go to church."

Jackson was dumbfounded. Had he done something to make her believe he had been thinking about Lexie that night? He thought back to the night of the funeral, running the events of the night through his mind.

He hated the sound of dirt hitting a coffin. It made everything seem so final, so hopeless. His eyes were blurry as he turned to walk away. He noticed Sloan who was practically inconsolable. He felt truly bad for him. Noticing the extent of his mentor's pain, he recognized that his feelings hadn't been that deep for Lexie.

He felt the brush of someone's hand against his own. Turning his head, he caught April's gaze. He was glad that she was here. Usually the one to calm and comfort her, the tables had turned. He needed her quiet strength right now. He took her tiny hand in his own, squeezing it.

"I don't feel like eating casseroles. Do you care if we skip Meredith's and go home instead?" he asked.

Nodding sympathetically, April said, "It's fine with me. Whatever you need."

After changing, Jackson sat on the couch eating the sandwich April had made for him. It could have been cardboard for all he noticed. His mind was still in a state of shock. Life was so fleeting. It didn't seem that long ago when he'd started his internship at Mercy West. Now, he was done and almost off to Tulane. And April, she would go back to Ohio. He felt nauseous just thinking about not seeing her face every day. He remembered Mark's loss and felt guilty for being so distraught about leaving April. At least she was still alive.

Thinking back on his relationship with Lexie, he really thought he'd been in love with her. In fact, he'd convinced himself of that while they were dating. But the other day at the hospital, April had gone to grab lunch for the residents and never returned. When he heard there had been an explosion and subsequent fire in the kitchen, his gut had twisted in panic. He'd gone downstairs to find her bandaging cafeteria workers. As relief set in, he realized that what he felt for April was stronger than anything he'd felt for any other woman.

Now watching April obsessively dust the living room, he wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how often and fondly he thought about what happened in San Francisco, how he only felt fear when he thought of her in danger, how badly he wanted to touch her. She caught him staring and smiled sadly at him. He patted the spot next to him and she sat down. He pulled her into his embrace, smelling the sweet lavender in her hair. His heart ached for her. He wanted one more time, just one more time. Pulling away just enough to see her face, he asked, "Will you stay with me tonight?"

Not finding any evidence in his memories, he decided to forget the past and think more proactively. He had to find a way to convince her how much he cared.

Try as she might, April couldn't stop crying. Her heart felt raw, open. She felt embarrassed and ashamed for being jealous of a dead woman. Jackson had been right when he said that their attraction started long ago. When he was with Lexie, April had the biggest crush on him. She flushed remembering how jealous she had gotten whenever she'd found them making out in various spots in Meredith's house. She'd wanted to kiss Jackson on the couch and have sex with him in the laundry room, but she kept her crush a secret. She'd gotten better at hiding them since her last humiliating crush on Dr. Shepherd.

Well, she'd finally gotten her wish. Jackson had slept with her. Then, Lexie had died and April soon came to the realization that all she could ever hope to be was second best. She remembered how that demoralizing thought hadn't fazed her the night of the funeral.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Jackson asked. By the way he was looking at her, April knew he didn't want to talk. He'd been so desolate lately; April couldn't deny him this one final time. Taking her hand, he led her to his room.

Afterwards, Jackson encircled his arms around her waist and murmured sleepily, "I don't want you to go away like Lexie did."

"I won't," April promised.

April realized that in a weird way she had kept her promise, because the next day, she and Jackson and the other residents decided to stay on at Seattle Grace Mercy West. But that night had been the beginning of the strain in their friendship. She had cried herself to sleep then because she'd made a shocking discovery. She'd do almost anything for Jackson, because she was completely in love with him. Tonight, just like that night, she understood the futility of loving someone who was still in love with someone else. And it was breaking her heart.

 


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, April hit her alarm slowly. She had lain in bed crying for hours before finally drifting off to sleep. She told herself that she was done crying over that man. She got out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. In the hallway, she bumped into Jackson.

"Good morning," she mumbled uncomfortably.

"Good morning to you too," Jackson yawned. "Hey, don't take too long in the bathroom. I've got to take a shower before we go."

"Are you and Alex going somewhere?"

Jackson shook his head. "No, I'm going to church with you. Do I need to wear a suit or would khakis and a nice shirt work?"

April stared at him, dumbfounded. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she looked at him again. His head was cocked to one side, waiting for her answer.

"Um...what are you talking about?" April sputtered.

"Well, since my words didn't sink in last night. Maybe my actions will. Your faith is obviously very important to you. I want to share it with you. I'd like to go to church with you today."

April shook her head, "No, no, no, no. I'm not going with you."

Jackson grimaced, "Is that the way to treat a poor lost soul like myself? I want to go. Really."

Sighing, April agreed. "Fine. The service starts at 10:30. It's fairly casual so I'd go with khakis and that black buttoned shirt of yours." She bit her lip to keep from commenting on how good his skin looked when he wore black.

Chuckling, Jackson's face neared hers. Afraid that he might try to kiss her again, she turned her head quickly. Pecking her cheek, he murmured, "You'll see that I meant what I said." Then, he left so she could shower.

Jackson and April arrived only five minutes before the service started. April would have arrived earlier but she and Jackson had argued. She had wanted to drive separate cars, but Jackson said she was being ridiculous and there was no reason why they shouldn't ride together. He didn't seem to understand or care that he completely unnerved her. April finally gave in to his demands when she realized that they were going to be late.

She walked to her usual pew, taking a seat next to Beth. Glancing up, Beth did a double take when she saw Jackson standing next to April. Smiling, she greeted him, "Hi Jackson. It's great that you could come today. This is my husband Greg and I'm sure you already know Phillip."

Beth scooted over to make room for Phillip. Phillip sat beside her and gave her a hug. "I was worried that you weren't going to show up."

"Sorry. I had a little trouble getting out the door," April said, glaring at Jackson.

"I'm happy you're here now." Nodding at Jackson, he said, "It's good to see you here man. You should eat lunch with us after."

Before Jackson could respond or April could object, the worship leader began leading the church in their first song. Standing, they all started to sing along with the words on the screen. April was surprised to hear Jackson singing. She realized that she'd never before heard him sing. After listening to him sing a couple songs, she understood why. He was absolutely tone deaf.

Throughout the sermon, April had a hard time focusing on the pastor. Her eyes kept wandering to Jackson. His eyes were on the pastor and he appeared to be listening, but he always caught her looking at him. The third time she glanced at him, he had the audacity to wink. She pondered what it would be like to sit here with him every Sunday with two or three kids sitting next to them. Her heart warmed at the thought of Jackson holding a chubby toddler on his lap. Horrified by her own thoughts, April silently prayed for concentration and focus.

After church, Phillip, Beth, Greg, Jackson, and April went to a local pizzeria. April again found herself sandwiched between Phillip and Jackson. Conversation at the table started a little awkwardly, but by the time the pizza arrived at the table, Jackson and Greg were in deep conversation about the NBA finals.

Not a fan of basketball, Phillip used the time to ask April out to the movies. They made plans for Thursday night.

Showing off his newly acquired eavesdropping skills, Jackson cut in, "Don't you have to work in the pit on Thursday? You never know what will happen or when you'll get to leave. I'd reschedule your date if I were you."

Glowering, April dismissed his suggestion. "Phillip, Thursday will be fine. Beth, I'm going to the bathroom. Do you want to come with me?"

Once in the bathroom, April sighed, "Thanks for coming with me. I needed a break from that."

"Let's talk about something more pleasant then. I'm dying to know how your date went last night."

"It was fun. It was a nice date," April answered.

"You don't sound very convincing," Beth observed.

"It really was fun, but then I came home and Jackson ruined everything."

Beth's interest piqued, she queried, "What happened?"

"We kind of got in a fight. He told me that he wanted us to date, but I know he doesn't mean it. His ex-girlfriend recently passed away. He's just trying to find a way to get over it."

"He doesn't seem like he's grieving to me. In fact, he seems really into you. He keeps putting his hand on your arm or your shoulder. When you walked in to church, his hand was on the small of your back."

"He's always been kind of touchy feely. I think physical touch is his love language or something." Catching Beth's skeptical look, April explained, "It's not what you're thinking. He's like that with everyone."

"If you say so, you know him better than me. We better get back or the boys will wonder what happened to us."

After Beth and Greg left, Jackson and Phillip stood outside the restaurant waiting for April to finish using the bathroom. Phillip brought up what everyone had been thinking about at lunch. "You slept with April," he stated matter-of-factly.

Jackson squinted at Phillip. He decided there was no point in denying it. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

Phillip shrugged, "She's talked about it before, about how much she regrets it. I think she's trying to move on you know? It would be better if you'd let her."

Jackson shook his head and offered some advice, "Listen, I've been where you are before. It totally sucks being that guy, knowing that the girl you're seeing has feelings for someone else. You should bow out now while you still have some dignity left."

Lifting an eyebrow, Phillip grunted, "Excuse me?"

Jackson's eyes bore into Phillip's as he warned, "I'm just saying watch out. I want April and I'm not giving her up without a fight."


	6. Chapter 6

As hard as April scrubbed, the food burned to the bottom of the pan wouldn't budge. Just like thoughts of Jackson wouldn't get out of her head. Exasperated, April let the pan slide from her hands. She put some soap in it and filled it with hot water. She could finish the dishes later.

Grabbing a box of Frosted Mini-Wheat's and a jar of peanut butter to dip them in, she sat on the couch to binge eat and watch TV. However, the TV wasn't holding her attention, because her mind kept wandering back to her complicated relationship with Jackson and Phillip. She and Phillip had been dating for about a month now. She was having fun, but they were taking things very slowly. They hadn't even really kissed yet. He had only given her a couple pecks on the cheek. She knew that Phillip wanted to kiss her, but she always backed away. It wasn't fair to Phillip, but she wasn't ready for that next step.

Phillip was so sweet and understanding while Jackson was incredibly annoying. Recently Jackson had developed this habit of invading her personal space bubble. Whenever he talked to her, it was as if he was telling her a secret. He would lean in close, stroke her hand. She hated it. It made it hard for her to breathe.

Jackson had also started going to church with her on his Sundays off. The people in the pews in front and behind them had gotten to know him. Even when he wasn't around, he annoyed her. He had to work last Sunday and the Cobbs, an elderly couple that sat behind them, had wondered where her boyfriend was. She explained to them that he wasn't her boyfriend. The wife had smiled and patted her arm, "The way he looks at you, it won't be long. You two will make the cutest little babies." Mortified by their conversation, April had been relieved when the worship leader took the stage again.

She didn't know what to do. She liked Phillip and wanted to see if their relationship could go anywhere. But at the same time, she loved Jackson. In her heart, she worried that she would be nothing but a rebound. For now, she'd stick with Phillip and see if she developed any real feelings for him. Sighing, she stopped munching on her horribly fattening snack and got ready for her shift.

Pulling back the curtain, April found her patient, Zoe Fredrickson, rubbing her badly bruised ankle.

"Hi Ms. Fredrickson, I'm Dr. Kepner. I have your x-rays. I thought we could take a look at them."

"OK, but call me Zoe. I feel old when people call me Ms. Fredrickson."

"No one could accuse you of being old. You couldn't be more than eighteen."

"I'm actually nineteen. Is my ankle OK? Is it broken?"

Showing her the x-ray, April pointed to the ankle bones. "You didn't break your ankle, but you do have a pretty nasty sprain. I'll wrap your ankle and get you some crutches."

"OK," Zoe agreed.

As April worked, she asked, "How'd this happen?"

Zoe turned a bright red. "I twisted my ankle while taking off my pants."

April looked at her patient. Clumsiness and imbalance could be a symptom of a more serious problem. "Is this the first time this has happened?"

Noting her doctor's concerned look, she was quick to reassure her, "Yes, that was the first time. You see…I was, um," she stared at the hands in her lap. "There's this guy I like and we were gonna…you know. So I thought I was going to be all sexy and do a strip tease. Except I tripped over my jeans while trying to dance my way out of them."

April nodded her head, trying her best to keep a smile from her face. This kid reminded her of herself.

"I just wanted my first time to be special. Then, I go and ruin it. Matt offered to come with me, but I was so embarrassed I told him not to," Zoe confessed.

April placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure that it will all work out."

Zoe laughed a little, "I was so nervous about tonight, I'm actually kind of relieved. I've heard that women don't always enjoy it and that it hurts."

"Some women do experience pain their first time. If you're active, then it might not hurt at all. It depends on your partner too. If he knows what to do, he can spare you some pain."

Zoe contemplated April's words and asked, "What was your first time like? Was it a good experience?"

Blushing slightly, April nodded, "It was. My first time was very nice. I was with someone I trusted and cared about deeply. He was patient and understanding. He took time to make sure I enjoyed myself. It was a little uncomfortable at first and awkward, to be honest. But, that's normal for the first time."

"That's good. Maybe there's hope for me yet."

"Well, you're all set. Get some rest and if you have any pain take some ibuprofen."

"Thanks," Zoe smiled.

At lunch the next day, Cristina turned to Alex. "You owe me. Kepner totally lost her V-card. Pay up, buddy boy."

"What? She wouldn't have told you that," Alex replied.

"She didn't tell me, but I overheard her talking to a patient about her first time. Her story was a little too specific not to be real," Cristina said.

Meredith gasped, "Really?"

Jackson sat listening to his coworkers talk. Had April really discussed her first time with a patient? Other than regret, Jackson didn't know how April felt about her first time. Unable to control his curiosity, he asked, "What did you hear April say?"

At that moment, April showed up. "What did you hear me say about what?" she asked.

Cristina tsked, "You've been keeping secrets from us. You lost your virgin super powers and never told us. So, how was Phillip? Any good in bed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I've never slept with Phillip," April protested.

Jackson grinned before he took another bite of broccoli. He was glad that jerk wasn't getting any.

"Come on. We know you're lying. Cristina heard you pouring your heart out to a patient about losing your virginity," Alex said.

April blushed, knowing her secret was out. "Fine. I've had sex. I'm no longer a virgin. Can we just eat our lunch now?"

"Karev, where's my twenty?" Cristina asked, holding out her hand.

Alex reached for his wallet, but paused. "Wait a second; April said she didn't sleep with Phillip. I think I believe her. He's over at the apartment all the time, but I've never seen them do anything more than hug. I think it was someone else. I don't owe you any money."

"Who else could it be?" Meredith asked, curious. "It wasn't you, was it?"

"No, it wasn't Alex," April interrupted, angrily. "You guys seriously need to stop."

"Was he ugly? Or bad in bed?" Cristina asked.

Suddenly, Alex banged on the table, "I think I know who it is."

Jackson, sensing that April was on the verge of tears, cautioned Karev to drop it.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? It all makes sense to me now. You can't stand Phillip and it's not because he's a dork. You're mad that he's got your girl."


	7. Chapter 7

April felt tears prick her eyes as everyone turned to look at her. She cursed Alex and his sudden bout of astuteness. How could he have known? She'd never said a word to anyone at work, but she and Jackson had been acting weird lately. Obviously, it hadn't escaped Alex's notice.

"I'm right, aren't I? You and April totally banged?" Alex asked.

Cristina glanced back and forth between April and Jackson. "Their mutual silence seems to support your theory."

"You two are embarrassing April," Meredith reprimanded.

"I don't get it. Why's she crying? Did you two have sex or not?" Alex asked, back to his usual dense self.

"Shut the hell up, Karev," Jackson snapped.

"Make me," Alex muttered.

Fed up, Jackson launched out of his chair and grabbed Alex by the collar. "I said drop it. You and I both know I can kick your ass. Unless you want a repeat performance, I'd shut your damn mouth."

"Jackson!" Meredith and April gasped. Cristina leaned back in her chair and ate her sandwich, finding the entire situation amusing.

"Fine, I'll drop it." Alex said, dislodging himself from Jackson's hold. "I've got to see about a patient anyway, but you're not fooling anyone. We all know you and Kepner did it."

In shock, April couldn't believe this was happening. This was on par with everyone finding out she was a virgin. The news that she wasn't one was apparently just as gossip inducing. Cristina leaned over and whispered, "You could've done a lot worse. He's not a bad kisser."

April had had enough. "I'm leaving," she announced to the group, so upset that she left her tray of food on the table.

"April, wait!" she heard Jackson call. His voice only made her walk faster. The last thing she needed was another confrontation with him.

Jackson finally caught up with her in the elevator. As the doors closed, he reached for her. "I'm sorry," he said into her hair. "I'm so sorry they found out like that."

April slumped against him, too tired to fight or say anything. Jackson held her in silence, rubbing circles in her back. As the elevator slowed to a stop, Jackson pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumbs. "So everyone knows. They'll forget about it in a couple days. It'll pass over. If it doesn't, I'll kick Karev's ass."

April gave him the smallest of smiles. "I hope you're right," she said.

April heard a knock on her door. "April, it's Jackson. Can I come in?"

She quickly took the clip out of her hair and hurriedly arranged her curls. After a moment, she stopped herself. Why should she care how she looked? She wasn't trying to impress Jackson.

"April, are you in there?"

"Yeah, come on in," she called.

Jackson opened the door and walked over to the bed. He climbed in next to her like he used to do before the boards. Before then, it was not uncommon for him to study or watch TV in her room. She had missed this part of their friendship. "What are you watching?" he asked.

"Something you probably won't like, Pride and Prejudice."

"I think I took a date to see that a few years ago. Doesn't it have that girl from Pirates of the Caribbean?"

"It does, but that's not the version I'm watching. This one has Colin Firth. It's the best one."

They sat watching the film for a while. This was April's favorite movie, but she could see that Jackson was getting restless. She turned off her TV.

"I don't mind waiting til it's over," Jackson offered.

"The movie's five hours long and I just started it."

"I'd probably fall asleep before that. The movie's kind of slow. Not that I wouldn't mind sleeping next to you," Jackson said, grabbing her arm and placing a light kiss on the inside of her wrist.

"Jackson, don't," she protested softly, wresting her arm from his grasp.

"Why not? What is keeping us from being together?" Jackson asked, frustrated.

"We've talked about this before. There's no use rehashing it."

"I know you think this is about Lexie, but it's not. Yeah, I'm sad, but I'm mostly sad for Mark. He will never have a chance to be with her, but I have a chance to be with you. I'm not giving up that easily. You're going to have to come up with something other than that I'm still in love with Lexie, because it's just not true."

"Phillip is the better choice for me," April blurted.

That silenced Jackson. He stared at her, his eyes cool and aloof. This was the first time she had ever felt that Jackson was angry with her. She didn't like it, but she couldn't take her words back now.

"That's a damn lie and you know it," Jackson rasped. "Let's say what you said is true. How is he a better choice than me?"

"He shares the same beliefs as me. He has the same sense of humor as me. He is kind and helpful. I have a lot of fun with him. He makes me laugh. He's not cocky or over-obsessed with his career. We both want to have a family one day. I have lots of reasons why I should date him."

"I want one too."

"Want what?"

"A family. How many kids do you want?"

"I don't know, at least three, maybe four or five."

Jackson whistled, "That was a lot more than I had in mind. I was thinking two, but I'm sure you could find a way to convince me to have more."

The reality of what they were talking about hit April. She should be having this conversation with Phillip, not with Jackson. Clearing her throat, she looked at him. "We should get some sleep. It's getting late."

Jackson sighed, "I've heard this before. I know the drill." He got up to leave, but at the last second he leaned over and cupped his hand behind her head. Pulling her face close to his, he kissed her like he did after their first time together - a soft, sweet kiss.

Jackson stood up and made his way to the door. Before he left, he turned and said, "If you want to date that guy, fine. But don't think for one second that I'm going to let him keep you."


	8. Chapter 8

April sat in the MRI reading room reviewing her patient's recent MRI. She heard the door open and looked over her shoulder, finding it was Jackson that had entered.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Fine," she replied skittishly. They hadn't spoken much since their talk in her bedroom a few nights ago and things were still a bit strained between the two of them.

"My mom's going to be in town tonight. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with us."

As April opened her mouth to reply, the lights flashed. She heard the sound of the computers shutting down. The lights flickered a few more times before going out completely.

"Crap, it's a black out," April muttered. "It's going to take hours to get everything back to normal."

"The generators will kick in. Give it a few minutes," Jackson said. "Until then, we could just.."

April never heard the rest of his sentence. His mouth was already on her own.

"Jackson, wh-what are you d-doing?" April stuttered.

"What we've both wanted to do for a long time," he said, returning to her mouth.

Not caring that this was wrong or that she had a boyfriend, April kissed him back. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her body as close as possible to his. Jackson's arms tightened around her waist and he lifted her onto the computer table. "Ouch,' she yelped as he set her down.

"What's wrong?"

"I think I'm sitting on a keyboard."

Jackson chuckled. His hands roamed to her bottom. Once he found the keyboard, he pushed it out of the way, but returned his hands to her backside. She lifted her face up to his, seeking his lips. As his lips devoured hers, April couldn't resist letting her hands wander from his neck to his chest. Her hand slid to his heart, feeling the thunderous beat that matched her own. She broke away, but only so she could sprinkle kisses down his neck. She smiled against his throat when she heard him moan. It was not long before he tilted her chin and captured her lips once more.

April opened her eyes when she heard the sound of the computers restarting. The lights were back on and a stunned Catherine Avery was staring at her and Jackson through the window.

Jackson sat in the cafeteria with his mom. To say that things were awkward was an understatement. His mom had caught him and April making out like teenagers. April had rushed off, mumbling something about lunch with Phillip. So here he was, stuck eating with his mom.

Breaking the silence, his mom asked, "So why didn't I know about you and April?"

"There's not really a me and April."

His mother threw him a disappointed look. "I thought you knew better than to play around with good girls like that. You realize she's a virgin, right?"

Jackson coughed, his face slightly flushed.

Catherine sighed, shaking her head. "Well, I guess she's not anymore. April's a sweet girl. I'd hate to see you hurt her."

"I'm more likely to get hurt than she is," Jackson scoffed.

"How so? She seems to be the naïve one in the relationship."

"That's the thing. We aren't in a relationship. She's dating another guy."

Jackson continued to share his feelings about April with his mother. "Until a couple of months ago, I never thought of her as more than a friend. Now, all I can think about is how badly I want to be with her. I love her. She's warm and caring. She's funny. Pretty gullible too. I love riling her. Sure, she's kind of nerdy and awkward, but she's real. She's honest with me and calls me on my crap. She's the one, mom. But that dumbass Phillip is in my way."

"Sweetheart, you are full of surprises today. I'm so happy you've fallen in love. I was worried that I'd never have any grandbabies."

"You'll have plenty. April told me she wants four or five."

Catherine smiled, "That's fine with me. I won't have to raise them. I'll just get to spoil them." She patted Jackson on the arm. "I've got to go, but baby, I don't think you have to worry about her boyfriend. From what I witnessed, she's quite smitten with you."

April had just returned from her lunch with Phillip. It was pleasant as always, but she'd felt guilty the whole time, hardly eating anything. She really shouldn't have kissed Jackson. Glancing up from her chart, she saw Dr. Catherine Avery approaching.

"April, do you have a moment?" she asked.

"Um. Sure."

"What the hell kind of game do you think you're playing with my son?"

"I'm s-sorry?" April stammered.

"April, sweetie, I like you. I really do. But if you hurt my son, it's not going to end well for you," Catherine warned, her voice syrupy sweet.

April looked at Catherine Avery, terrified. "I-I wouldn't hurt Jackson for the world. He's my closest friend."

"Oh, honey. You know he wants to be more than just your friend. He's dated lots of girls, but you're the first one he's ever talked about to me. He loves you. I don't understand why you two aren't together."

"I'm seeing someone else," April explained.

Dr. Avery laughed, shaking her head, "Darling, I caught you kissing Jackson just this morning. The lights had been on for a full minute before you even noticed. Let's not act like this Phillip boy is any real competition for my son."

"I shouldn't have been kissing Jackson. That was a mistake. It-it won't happen again."

Catherine smiled at her sympathetically, "Yes, it will. You love him, don't you?"

"Of course, I do. But we're so different. I'm a nervous wreck; he's always calm. I'm a farmer's daughter; he's an Avery. I'm average looking; he's flipping gorgeous. We don't make any sense."

"Oh, come here," Catherine said, hugging April. "None of that matters to Jackson. He adores you just the way you are.

Jackson walked over to his mom and April. He groaned. It was obvious that his mom had been meddling again. He hoped she hadn't ruined his chances with April. "I'm ready to go mom. April, do you want to have dinner with us?"

"Sorry, I can't. I have to finish writing my post-ops. You two have a good time."

April breathed a sigh of relief as they walked away. If one Avery wasn't accosting her, it was another. She couldn't get over the fact that he'd told his mother he loved her. She smiled as she went off to type her post-op reports.


	9. Chapter 9

April's hands trembled on the steering wheel. This couldn't be happening. The only time she had felt panic like this was when Gary Clark had a gun pointed at her. She remembered the words she'd said, "No one's loved me yet." Now, someone did love her. Tears slipped from her eyes and fell down her cheeks. She brushed them away so she could focus on driving, but new tears came to replace the old ones.

She began to pray. Please, please, please don't take him from me. He's a good man. He saves lives. I love him. Please, let him be all right.

Having seen one too many Nicholas Sparks movies, April worried that something would happen to keep her permanently from the love of her life. Ten minutes ago, she'd received a call that threatened to do just that.

Wanting to escape from her guilt and indecisiveness, April decided to watch funny videos of cute animals on YouTube. As she giggled at the dog stealing items from his owner's desk, she heard her phone ring. Reaching over, she looked at the screen. It was from the hospital. It was probably a nurse double-checking medications for one of her patients.

"This is Dr. Kepner."

"April, it's Meredith...Jackson's had an accident. He's being operated on. Could you contact his mom?"

April couldn't breathe, couldn't speak.

"April, are you still there?"

"What happened to him?" April finally managed to ask.

"These two drunk guys in the pit were arguing, Jackson stepped in to break it up, but one of the guys had a knife. Jackson didn't get out of the way in time and was accidentally stabbed in the abdomen."

April gasped, "Is he- is he going to be OK?"

"They don't know how deep the wound is yet. I'll let you know as soon as I find out something."

"Thanks, Meredith. I'll get in touch with Catherine for you." April let the phone fall from her hand. She covered her face with both hands, trying to calm herself, trying to be brave. She quickly picked up her phone and dialed Jackson's mother. After the call, she'd grabbed her keys and headed for the hospital.

She parked her car and half walked, half jogged to the entrance of the hospital. Once inside, she saw Alex. She rushed towards him. "Alex, he's OK right? Is he going to be OK?" she asked, her voice a little shrill even to her own ears.

"April, chill. He just got out of surgery. He's going to be fine."

April closed her eyes sending up a silent prayer of thanks. Opening them again, she asked, "Where is he?"

"Room 406. But he's gonna be knocked out until…"

April left before Alex had a chance to finish his sentence. She pressed the button on the elevator. When the doors didn't open immediately, she became impatient and took the stairs instead.

Opening the door to his room, she found Jackson sleeping. Her heart ached at the sight of him. She'd never expected to see him in a hospital bed. He looked pale, vulnerable. She walked over to him and touched his chest. She smiled faintly when she felt the thumping of his heart. She lifted the blanket and found the bandage covering the left side of his lower abdomen. He'd always been too quick to jump in to situations. She hoped this incident would help him learn to think before acting, but she had a feeling it wouldn't. Jackson had a deep-rooted protective instinct. He never liked to see people harmed and helped whenever he could.

April spent the rest of the night holding his hand. Heavily sedated, he wouldn't wake up until the morning. Sloan, Meredith, and Alex came to check on him before leaving to go home. Other than that, April had a lot of time to think. Her main thought was that she was an idiot. He'd said he loved her. His mom had said he loved her. Heck, his actions daily proved how much he loved her. But she'd let her fear of being hurt control her decisions. She'd chosen the safe guy over the man she loved. All that was going to change. When Jackson woke up, she would tell him that she loved him and that she was going to break up with Phillip.

Jackson felt like he'd been stabbed in the stomach. Laughing to himself, he realized he had been stabbed in the stomach. He remembered the slash of the knife into his gut and stumbling backwards in shock. He must have blacked out because he remembered nothing after that.

Moaning, he slowly opened his eyes. His eyes settled upon the tiny, sleeping redhead that he adored so much. Her tousled hair and rumpled clothes were evidence that she'd spent the night in that ridiculously uncomfortable chair. He never understood why hospitals couldn't afford more comfortable furniture. He felt guilty that it was his fault she'd have a stiff neck and back all day, but he was glad that she was here.

Since the black out a couple weeks ago, things had been weird between them. He didn't know what had possessed him to kiss her like that. Then, his mother of all people had caught them. He had tried everything he could to find out what his mom had said to April. Neither of them would tell him anything. Whatever they had talked about, it had caused April to act awkwardly around him again. He was still trying though. He went to church with her on his Sundays off. He had started going to spend time with April and, he wasn't proud to admit, to tick Phillip off. But after going for a couple months, he realized it wasn't so bad. He knew it pleased April to see him there and her friends, Beth and Greg, were pretty cool. Smiling, Jackson thought of the little old lady who sat behind them. Mrs. Cobb totally had his back. She was forever hinting that April should drop Phillip and get with him instead.

April began to stir. "Hey, sleepyhead," he murmured.

She smiled, slightly embarrassed. "How are you feeling?"

"Fantastic. I could really go for a jog right about now."

April crossed her arms over he chest. "No, really, how are you feeling?"

"I'm a little sore, but I don't think the wound was that deep. I should recover quickly."

"You shouldn't have been hurt at all. I don't understand how you can just jump in to situations like that. You really scared me."

"It's no big deal. I'm fine. I'll be back to work in a few days."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Stuck in a hospital bed, Jackson had time to look truly at April without other distractions. She was beautiful, but she also appeared sad and worried. He felt a guilt he couldn't shrug off. Life hadn't been easy at Seattle Grace for either of them, but April definitely had it the worst. If anyone deserved happiness, it was this woman. As much as he loved her, he knew that he had only caused her guilt and pain. He quickly realized what he should have months ago. Phillip was the better choice for her. He hated knowing that loving her meant letting her be happy with Phillip.

Gathering as much courage as he could, Jackson confessed, "I've been an ass. I had no place getting in the way of you and Phillip. He's a decent guy and he respects you. You deserve to be happy with him. I'll leave the two of you alone, but we can still be friends right?"

"Yeah, yes, of course. We'll always be friends. Well, I'll let you get some more rest. I have to go home and change before my next shift," April choked out, leaving Jackson to question his decision.


	10. Chapter 10

April tapped her fingers against the counter. She hated waiting for lab results. It always took forever. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Alex and Jackson approaching. Jackson walked a little stiffly, still sore from his injury. Otherwise, he was healing quite nicely.

"Hey, Apes. What are you making for dinner tonight?" Alex asked.

Other than sex and surgery, food was what Alex thought about the most. Shaking her head, April said, "Nothing. I have a baby shower to go to tonight. Then, some of us are going to a midnight showing of Casablanca. You'll have to make your own dinner. I bought some roast beef and turkey so you can make sandwiches if you want."

Alex shot her a disgusted look. "Guess I'll be eating at Joe's tonight."

Jackson didn't contribute to the conversation. In fact, they hadn't really spoken since that morning a few weeks ago. April desperately wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she hadn't found the courage to do so. Breaking up with Phillip had been a step in the right direction. Now she just needed to find the time and place to admit her feelings.

Looking up, Alex noted, "Isn't that Dr. Keaton? Wasn't she your mom's spy?"

April and Jackson both turned their heads. Dr. Mara Keaton was headed their way. Jealousy reared its head as she saw the smile Mara gave Jackson. It was an intimate, knowing smile. Mara greeted everyone, but her hand lingered on Jackson's arm. Earlier this year April had suspected that they had slept together, but the woman's easy familiarity with him confirmed her suspicions.

Not one to be unfriendly, April smiled and asked, "What brings you to Seattle?"

"I'm scrubbing in on a Whipple with Dr. Bailey. My patient wanted me to assist with the procedure. I couldn't very well tell him no. So I'll be here for the next couple of days."

"Dr. Kepner, you're lab results are ready." the lab technician stated.

"I better go. It's good to see you again, Dr. Keaton," April said

After grabbing the lab results, April left to inform her patient of his results. She walked to the elevator annoyed. Jackson didn't seem at all bothered by Mara's presence. In fact, he looked pleased to see her again. As the doors of the elevator closed, April saw that they were still talking. She told herself it didn't mean anything, but a feeling of envy settled in the pit of her stomach.

Beth's baby shower was a small get together. She'd had a bigger shower at church on Sunday, but had wanted to have a fun evening with her closest friends as well. April smiled thinking about how close she had gotten to Beth in just 4 months.

After playing a few games and gobbling down snacks and cake, the women got to gossiping. One of the topics of discussion was April's breakup with Phillip.

"I can't say that I'm surprised," said Jane, the church secretary. "Anyone who has eyes could see that competing against Jackson is like a Chihuahua fighting a bear. Quite pointless. We love Phillip, but it's obvious Jackson's the one for you."

Beth chuckled, "I feel bad for Phillip, but I have to say I'm glad you broke it off with him. You and Jackson are much better suited. I agree with Mrs. Cobb. You two will make beautiful babies."

"I think it's a little too soon for baby talk," April chided. "I haven't even told him how I feel yet."

A girl from her Bible study, Katie, piped up, "You're going to tell him soon right?"

"I'd like to but I don't know what to say," April admitted. "I pushed him away so many times that he finally gave up pursuing me. It's weird that I'm the one who has to chase him now."

"It's not chasing. You've just turned around and started walking towards him," Beth explained. "I have an idea. Why don't you write out what you're going to say to him? That way you won't feel so nervous about talking to him. We'll help you."

April crinkled her nose, "This party is about you. Why don't you open your presents instead?"

"You're right. This is my party and I want to help my friend out. I'll open presents after we finish figuring out what you're going to say."

A half hour later, the girls had assisted April in crafting a perfectly worded confession to Jackson. They encouraged her to skip out on the movie and talk to Jackson instead. So after Beth opened her presents and April helped clean up, she drove home ready to spill her guts.

April practically skipped into the apartment, humming as she dropped her purse on the couch. She couldn't wait to tell Jackson how she felt. They'd probably spend the whole night talking and kissing. She and Jackson would go back to normal. Well, better than normal, they'd be a couple.

As she put leftovers from the shower in the fridge, she heard a woman giggling down the hall and a door opening. Rolling her eyes, she prepared to meet Alex's newest girl. She didn't expect to find a scantily clad Mara Keaton enter the kitchen.

"Hello, April is it? I'll be out of your hair in just a second. If you wouldn't mind telling me where the glasses are?"

April pointed to the correct cabinet and stood frozen as she watched Mara make her way back to Jackson's room.


	11. Chapter 11

Puffy, white clouds floated in stark contrast against the gorgeous blue sky. April smiled as she finished laying out lunch from the picnic basket. What a beautiful day to be outdoors!

"Mommy, Mommy, look what I found?" yelled a curly headed five-year-old, running towards her. "Daddy says it's a four leaf clover. It makes you lucky."

April closely inspected the clover that her son handed her. "Wow Parker, you are lucky. These are hard to find."

Glancing up, she caught Jackson carrying their three year old, Logan. Neither looked happy. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I wanna swing. Daddy say no," Logan pouted, folding his little arms.

April grinned at Jackson, feeling his pain. Of their two sons, Logan was definitely more strong-willed and more prone to throwing tantrums. Trying to avoid the impending one, April redirected her son's attention. "Mommy made your favorite sandwich, peanut butter and bananas. And for dessert, we have some chocolate chip cookies."

Logan clapped his hands. Taking his sandwich, his previous troubles were quickly forgotten. Jackson sat next to her, kissing her cheek. He muttered, "That child is so damn stubborn. I had to drag him kicking and screaming off the swings." He rubbed her slightly rounded belly. "Hopefully, this one won't be so troublesome."

"Hopefully, this one will be a girl," April replied.

"A little girl who looks like you would be nice," Jackson said as he leant forward to kiss her lips.

"Mom, Dad, watch me. I'm a fire truck. Weeee Ooong Weee Ooong!"

April hit her alarm. Groaning, she stretched her back. She hated being woken up from a good dream. This one had seemed so real. As the sleep-induced fog lifted, she remembered finding Mara in the kitchen last night. She wiped away a tear as she realized that sometimes dreams were just dreams.

Meanwhile Jackson lay staring at his ceiling. Mara was next to him, dreaming peacefully. His gut racked with guilt, he wished it were April lying next to him. Last night, he thought he could get over April by hooking up with another girl. He hadn't gotten laid in months. It seemed like a good idea, but it hadn't worked. Once he'd rolled off Mara, regret immediately sunk in.

He had lain awake all night comparing Mara and April. Mara was a beautiful woman, but she wasn't April. She was tall and leggy. When she kissed him last night, she only needed to tilt her head a couple inches to reach his mouth. April couldn't do that, she was much too short. She had to practically climb him to reach his face. Her hands always grabbed his shirt or jacket to pull him down to be within kissing distance. Once close enough, she'd wrap her arms around his neck. He loved touching her and couldn't get enough of her. He'd been foolish to think Mara could replace a girl who was irreplaceable in his heart, someone he couldn't forget no matter how hard he tried.

He felt his bedmate stir. Jackson grimaced. How could he ask her to leave without sounding like a tool? Hopefully, if she left soon and quietly, April wouldn't find out.

Forty-five minutes later, Mara was out the door. Breathing a sigh of relief, Jackson headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. He turned around when he heard footsteps approaching. April walked in, dressed in her ridiculous pink bathrobe. He smiled and started to speak, but stopped when she quickly turned her head away from him. Her back to him, she began making breakfast for herself.

"You know, don't you?" Jackson said.

"Last night, she wanted to know where we kept the glasses. I was hoping she'd walk into Alex's room, but she didn't. She walked into yours," April said in a flat, emotionless voice.

Jackson stood behind her, willing her to turn and look at him. It killed him to know that he'd hurt her. "April, I'm sorry."

"There's no need for you to be sorry. It's not as if we're dating. You can sleep with whomever you want to. Mara's nice and very beautiful. Much more your style than a dowdy farm girl."

"April, I don't want to be with Mara."

Finally, she turned around and asked waspishly, "Really? Then, why'd you sleep with her?"

Jackson gritted his teeth. "It was a mistake. I was trying to…Wait. Why does this even bother you? You're with Phillip."

"I broke up with Phillip."

Taken aback, Jackson asked, "When did this happen?"

"About three weeks ago."

Running his hands over his face, Jackson leaned against the counter. "Why didn't you tell me? We'd be together and I wouldn't have…Why didn't you let me know?"

"Jackson, I…I can't talk about this right now. I need to get ready for work."

Jackson spent the next few days frustrated and irritated with himself. He'd been so close to having everything he wanted, but had let it slip through his fingers with one rash decision. April said she was fine. She always said that. He really wished she'd cut the crap and talk to him. Or yell at him. Anything would be better than the damn façade she was putting up.

When he saw her walking in the hall that afternoon, he took her by the hand. "We need to talk," he said, before leading her into the on call room.

"Jackson…There's nothing to say. It's OK. You don't have to apologize to me. We never made any promises to each other."

"I do. I do need to apologize to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've messed everything up. We could be good together. I know it. You know it. That's why you've hardly said a word to me. What happened with Mara didn't feel right. After you, being with someone else will never feel right."

April's crumpled face tugged at his heart. He walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. "Give us a chance. Please. We can make this work."

"I want to. I do, but…"

"Then, let's do it. I'll make sure you won't ever regret being with me."

April bit her lip and nodded. "OK, but we'll need to take things slow."

Jackson pressed his forehead against hers. Sighing happily, he whispered, "I can do that."


	12. Chapter 12

Apparently, April wasn't kidding when she said she wanted to take things slowly, Jackson thought. They'd been a couple for two months and the furthest he'd gotten were a few quick make out sessions on the couch. He hoped tonight would be different though. Alex would be working overnight so he and April could finally have the apartment to themselves.

April was the one who usually cooked so he decided to give her a night off and cook instead. Unfortunately, the only thing he knew how to make was steak and baked potatoes, but he planned to put candles on the table to make it fancier. He considered putting on some music, but decided that would be too obvious.

Jackson was setting the table when he heard April's key in the lock. She smiled at him in surprise when she walked into the apartment. "You made dinner."

He walked over to her and put his arms around her waist. Kissing her softly, he whispered, "I wanted to do something special for you. You know I love you, right?"

April nodded and pressed herself closer to him, hugging him tightly. He felt a groan escape unexpectedly. If she knew how much she was torturing him, she sure as hell didn't let on. Pulling away from her, he said, "Come on; let's eat before it gets cold."

Sitting next to him on the couch, April could feel Jackson's eyes on her. After dinner, they'd decided to watch a movie. April sat a little further from him than usual. For some reason, she felt like she wouldn't be able to keep her hands to herself. So it was best to have some space between them.

However, that didn't last for long. She felt the cushions shift underneath her as Jackson moved next to her. She tried to keep her eyes focused on the television screen, but soon became preoccupied with the feel of his mouth on her neck. Giggling at the feel of his stubble against her neck, she allowed herself to be pushed back onto the couch. His kisses had drifted upwards until he reached her mouth. His hands were slowly creeping from her waist to the sides of her breasts. Breathing heavily, she remembered this was wrong. But at the moment, she was having difficulty remembering why.

His fingers were slowly unbuttoning her blouse. After each button slipped loose, he placed a kiss on the freshly exposed flesh. She slipped her own hands lower and toyed with the edge of his jeans. From there, she slid her hands underneath his shirt and upwards. She absolutely loved the feel of his chest and abdomen. But the unfastening of her bra startled her from her lust-induced daze. Crossing her arms over her chest, she sat up abruptly and accidentally bumped Jackson in the head.

"I'm sorry," April apologized as she worked furiously to rearrange her clothing.

"What?" Jackson asked in a stupor. "No, stop. Why are you putting your shirt back on?"

"We can't do this. It isn't right."

"If this is about what happened with Mara, just tell me what to do and I'll do it." Reaching for her again, he said, "I just want to be close to you. It's been such a long time."

"I'm not going to have sex with you tonight."

She saw him swallow. "How long?" he asked. "It'll drive me crazy, but I can wait."

"You're going to be waiting a long time." She figured she might as well get this all out now. "I'm not having sex again until I'm married."

He looked positively stunned. "Are you serious? We've already done this and not just the once."

"I know, but this is something I decided when I started going back to church. I'm actually going to keep my promise this time. If you love me, you'll understand and not try to lure me into breaking my promise."

"Lure? You make me sound like some predator about to pounce on his prey."

April shrugged. "That's kind of an accurate description. You know how hard it is for me to resist you."

She hit him playfully when he had the nerve to smirk.

He groaned as he plopped back onto the other side of the couch. Rubbing his eyes, he asked, "Well, when do you want to get married?"

April laughed, "If this is your proposal, it's very sad. Besides we don't know if our relationship is going to end in marriage."

"Yeah, it is," Jackson replied, still lying back on the other side of the couch. "I knew I was going to marry you when I told my mom I was in love with you. I know it's pretty presumptuous considering you haven't told me that you love me yet."

April realized he was right. She hadn't said the words. He said them frequently, but she'd never returned the sentiment. "Well, I do. Love you, that is. I love you so much I don't know what I'd do without you," she ended in a whisper and moved to lie on top of him.

"You're not going to have to find out," he assured her soothingly, gently rubbing her shoulders. "So when's it going to be? The sooner the better, I say. Let's settle on a date, then we'll go pick out a ring."

April knew he was offering her everything she ever wanted. If they got married soon, they could probably start a family within the first two years. She wasn't going to be fertile forever and she did want quite a few children. She'd enjoyed growing up in a large family and she wanted the same for her own children.

But she found that she couldn't give him a date, it was too soon. She thought she had gotten past all the hurt from the whole Mara fiasco, but she hadn't. Getting off the couch, April said, "I'm going to bed. We can talk about this later."


	13. Chapter 13

Jackson had tossed and turned the whole night, thinking about April, about marrying her. He'd handled last night badly. Of course, April wouldn't want to have premarital sex. He went to church with her often enough to know what she really thought about sex. For him, sex was mostly a physical urge. For April, he knew it meant so much more. Her church emphasized the importance of sex in marriage, how it kept couples close, and was an important component of emotional and spiritual intimacy. Although there were no hellfire and damnation sermons, premarital sex was by no means encouraged. In fact, April had recently started reading a book called Staying Pure for her Sunday school class. That should have definitely clued him in to her feelings on the subject.

No, he shouldn't have even tried to put the moves on her. She meant too much for him to do that to her. On top of that, he felt like a fool for the way he'd brought up the subject of marriage. He loved this woman. She deserved more than just a fly away comment while he was trying to get into her pants. April deserved the works, a huge engagement ring and a romantic proposal.

April had already left the apartment when he'd finished showering and getting dressed. The only person around was Karev who was hunched over his cereal bowl, smacking loudly.

"So what are you going to do on your day off?" Karev asked.

"I'm going to buy a ring for April."

"What kind of ring?"

"An engagement ring."

"Really? You guys are that serious?"

Jackson looked at Karev astounded. "Where have you been? April and I have been dating for two months."

"I don't know. I just thought you two were all about sex."

Jackson laughed humorlessly. "We don't have sex."

"I'm sorry dude. Sucks to be you." Then, nodding his head like he had a sudden revelation, Alex said, "That's why you want to marry her! She won't put out without a wedding ring."

"It's not like that. I love her. I can't imagine a life without her in it."

"Isn't that what you're supposed to say to the chick? Cuz I don't really want to hear all that mushy crap."

Jackson threw the empty cereal box at him. "Shut up," he said.

Alex dodged the flying cardboard box and kept eating. After a minute, he said,"I'm off today too. I don't have anything better to do. I could help you pick out a ring for April."

"Sure, whatever," Jackson agreed. He doubted Alex would be much help, but it would be nice to have someone else's opinion on the ring.

Jackson patted the ring in his pocket. Tonight was the night. He had bought the ring over a week ago, but with getting the ring resized and finding time in both his and April's schedules this was the earliest he was able to propose.

He knew of April's penchant for romantic things, remembering how she'd tried to decorate the hospital earlier this year for Valentine's day. That is why he chose a restaurant with a French menu and lots of candlelight and flowers. He'd reserved a quiet table and a bottle of the best wine. He'd debated about whether or not to have the chef put the ring in her dessert. The memory of dislodging a diamond ring from a woman's throat his second year of residency prevented him from doing so. He didn't want this evening to end with a trip to the emergency room.

No, he'd propose the traditional way, down on one knee.

"Do you like your dinner?" he asked.

"Yes, it's very good," she replied. Reaching across the table, she touched his hand. "Jackson, about last week, I'm sorry for the way I ended our conversation. I want you to know that I do love you and if you ever ask me to marry you, it's a guaranteed yes."

Jackson shook his head, laughing.

"What's so funny?" April asked, befuddled.

"You'll know in just a second."

Getting up from his seat, Jackson walked over to April's chair and kneeled next to it.

"Oh," she said. "Oh, oh," she repeated when he took the ring out of his pocket.

"April Kepner, would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"

"Yes, yes!" April exclaimed, peppering his face with kisses. "I would love to be your wife."

After returning to his own seat, Jackson asked, "When do you want to get married?"

"Tomorrow?" April teased. "Let's not wait too long to get married. I'm not sure I could restrain myself."

Three months later, Jackson and April married in Seattle amongst family and friends. They moved out of the apartment they shared with Alex and got their own place a few miles from the hospital. A few months after that, April aced her boards.

Over the years, April learned to become less anxious about life's obstacles, but Jackson was always there to calm her down when the stress got to be too much. Although they were friends and comfortable and relaxed in each other's presence, life was never boring for them. They had their first child, a son, a year after they married. Then, came two more sons and finally, a daughter. They had arguments and tiffs from time to time, but no one who knew them could doubt that they were mint to be.


End file.
